Never Say Goodbye
by Olivia Y
Summary: How can you let go a second time? How do you deal with that kind of loss twice? Yue's heart and Touya's life...Maybe it's just time to face it...How can you say goodbye?
1. Chapter one

**NEVER SAY GOODBYE**

The room was small, no more than sixteen square meters in total. Everything in it was constructed of raw pine – the floor, the ceiling, the walls and window frame, as well as the few pieces of furniture that it possessed, a single bed and one lonely chair by it.

      The sun was setting, casting a reddish orange glow over the room. The pine filled the small space with a sweet, faint yet consistent scent.

      All was quiet.

      There were two figures in the room, one tall and majestic, with silver white hair trailing far longer than his full height as he stood at the window, gazing out at the setting sun. His silvery purple eyes giving an ironically blended glow of dark blue and fiery red as they reflected the suns rays. He was completely clad in white, with a cape, his feet were bare, and on his back was a pair of white feathery wings. An angel's wings.

      He was Yue, the guardian of the moon.

      The other figure, the one lying on the bed, had short dark hair and a sharp profile. Though his eyes were closed and he appeared pale and weak, his features were still striking and attractive.

      He was Touya, the older brother of Yue's master Sakura. 

      Sakura and Touya, the Kinomoto siblings. They were the center of Yue's world. The former he would protect with his life. And the other…was the love of his life.

No, Yue corrected himself; Touya wasn't just the love of his life. Touya IS his life

"If it hadn't been for him" Yue reflected, "I wouldn't be here, I would have ceased to exist" He wouldn't die, Guardians never died, they simply faded into nothing when the energy source they relied on wasn't strong enough to support their existence.

"How close was I" Yue remembered with a shudder. "Yukito had already started to fade…if it wasn't for…"

Turning from the window to look at the youth on the bed, Yue felt a surge of emotion – guilt, shame, misery, helplessness, frustration…all intertwined with the sense of bittersweet love.

"I did not think it would come to this To-ya, I never guessed…I never guessed it would do this to you" He closed his eyes in pain "I utilized your love for Yukito to secure my own existence…"

Tsukishiro Yukito, the moon guardian's "disguised" form. Touya loved him; everyone did, it was almost impossible not to be attracted to the grey haired, good natured, perpetually smiling boy with the huge wire rimmed glasses. Yes, it was Yuki Touya had wanted to save. Yue just used that love to his own advantage.

"My own worthless existence" Yue cursed himself "He is human, I am not. He has a family whom he loved and loves him, I'm not even certain if I am real! But I swear, at the time I knew nothing of this, I never guessed it would come to this!"

No, he never knew, he had believed that once Sakura's magic was powerful enough, he'd automatically transfer to her as the source of energy, that was the way it was meant to have been if she had not been too young and too inexperienced. Yue always assumed he'd stop drawing Touya's magic once Sakura was strong enough and Touya would eventually revive his own powers.

He had never thought otherwise.

But it didn't happen that way. 

Sakura did keep growing stronger, although she was still nowhere as powerful as Clow once was, her strength and ability were astonishing for her age. Yet, Yue continued to use Touya as the source of energy, he couldn't change it, he didn't know how, he never thought he would have to, just took it for granted that it would occur on its own.

Yue had panicked, it was one of the few moments in his life he ever felt so panicked. Not even when Windy defied his command during Sakura's judgment and locked him in her swirls did he feel panic, only betrayal. Only when he realized Clow was really going to leave him to a new master did he ever feel such a sense of helplessness.

He had to turn to Eriol - Clow's half reincarnation, for answers. But even then he was bitterly disappointed.

"I can tell you what will happen if this situation draws on" He had said "But not even I can correct this or know of the cause."

"But you must!" Sakura had exclaimed at this "You must know! You created him! You must know what is happening and why…" as a desperate plea she had blurted out "You're Clow Reed!"

The look on Eriol's face then was one so serious it looked almost unnatural, considering the usual smile he wore. But now his eyes were overcast, and something in them told Yue that whatever it was that's going to happen, it's going to hurt him greatly.

"Sakura you must understand" Eriol had replied in a gentle but serious tone "I am not Clow, he was reborn as two, you're the daughter of one of them, my powers now are no stronger than that of your father, and I really have no control of what may happen to the creations of Clow, I couldn't' stop Yue falling in love with the wrong person nor can I correct what is happening now" He paused "Only the mistress can"

The glow in Sakura's eyes at that moment had broken Yue's heart. In her innocence she had believed there would be hope, that _she'd be able to save them. She was still too young to see the sad light in Eriol's eyes that told plainly there __was no hope._

"When you grow strong enough Sakura, you will find the way to help them" Eriol had finished off quietly. Not even he had the courage to break the hard truth to her.

It was only later, when he was alone with Yue and Touya that he revealed the worst.

"How long would it take her?" Touya had demanded, he had been surprisingly calm over the whole incident, as if the situation didn't even affect him.

"Too long to save you Touya" Eriol had replied with sincere sorrow and regret in his voice "Far too long"

Yue could still remember his shock, his had blanked out for a split second, he had not felt pain because it had all come too fast, but he could not breathe, nor think, nor react. He could not accept it as truth. But Clow's reincarnation would never lie for the sake of it. No matter how much Yue wanted to disregard it as a joke he knew it was impossible.

"What's going to happen to me?" Touya had asked, still calm despite a trimmer of fear in his voice.

"At the present stage you still have some power, enough for you to still be able to sense things beyond natural beings, of course not as sensitively as it used to be but still…" paused "Soon Yue will take all of that. Then once the magical energy is gone completely, he will start taking your physical energy."

"What does that mean?" Touya asked, wishing Eriol would quit wording it so it sounds like it was totally Yue's fault.

"You will be more tired more often, and soon you'd have no strength, your systems will shut down and eventually…."  He trailed off.

"I'm going to die?" Touya swallowed hard before asking.

"Your body will yes, but spiritually YOU will become a part of HIM" Eriol gestured at the collapsed figure of the angel at Touya's side. Yue had long since lost the ability to react, he couldn't understand how Touya could act so calm at the things Eriol was telling him.

"I figured something like that" Touya replied. Bending down he put his arm around the shocked stiff moon guardian whose beautiful feline eyes where blank and almost lifeless, as if he had already died. "I'll only be closer to you Yue, and to Yuki too" he whispered.

Yue was still unable to respond, the enormous sense of guilt had taken his voice and his ability to think.

"Sakura can't know" Touya stood up again "I don't want her to know until it's absolutely necessary, she would probably do something too drastic…" He was still thinking of his beloved little sister, despite the fact she was more powerful than he was.

"I agree with you" Eriol replied "She should not have to suffer, but I don't see how we can stop her from knowing…"

Touya was thoughtful for a while "I can still hold out a fair while I think…when the time comes that I feel it's going to be too hard…I will leave, with Yuki"

Yue finally looked up "To-ya…you're just…going to accept this? aren't you scared? Worried?"

Touya glanced down "I need to protect Sakura, that's my main priority in every action, what happens to me is of no consequence as long as she's safe…" 

Turning back to Eriol he continued "I will leave with Yuki and…leave her…"

In the small pine room, Yue choked back tears, keeping his back stiff against the window pane, Touya and Sakura, how could he tear them apart like that? He took away his mistresses brother, how could he have done that?

Sakura…Yue repeated the name to himself. How many years has he know her? It's being almost a decade since he was first forced to yield to the little ten year old magician. How much she has changed, but more importantly, how much she hasn't! Still the warm hearted, often clueless maiden.

All went according to the way Touya had said. During that time, Yue hardly awoke, he preferred to remain asleep, let the unknowing Yukito live these few months. He only realized after they left Eriol how frightened he was. How terrified he was of the day that Touya would tell him "I need to leave her now, I'm going"

But the day did come, and all too soon. Touya had called him from within Yukito and whispered "Yue, it's time" At that moment, Yue's world collapsed.

The day they left, that was the last time Yue saw Sakura, Touya had told her that he would be "somewhere that would make the time a little easier, where I can be stronger and lengthen my time so that you will have enough time to grow strong" Sakura had believed him, completely, which only made Yue feel worse.

His last view of her, as the taxi was pulling away from her house was still so clear in his memory. In the years that had passed she had become a tall, slender young woman. Her auburn hair had grown out past her shoulders and was held high on the back of her head with a pink ribbon – even at nineteen her favorite color was still pink. She had on a pink tank top and blue jeans. Simple yet it brought out her charm. She had waved so cheerfully, not doubting for a second her brother will be back.

Next to her, with his arm protectively around her waist, was her fiancé of five years – Li Syaoran. He too had grown up to become quite an impressive looking youth. He was half a head taller than Sakura, and his chestnut brown hair ruffled gently in the wind, In a navy T shirt and flaring cargo pants, he suited Sakura perfectly. Touya had never liked him "He's taking away something that's precious to me" he had explained to Yuki. But recently he had the first ever heart to heart talk with Syaoran, requesting of him "take care of her for me". Syaoran was at first wary, then confused, but when he discovered the truth (they thought it was only fair he should know first to be able to comfort Sakura later) he was moved, and, just like Yue had so long ago, vowed to protect her with his own life.

Behind them stood three more figures. The first, in a lavender singlet top and denim shorts, was Li's first cousin Meiling. She had matured a lot over the years, and had transformed from the whining little brat to a gracefully athletic young woman. Her long black hair now cut short to her ears, and her large amber eyes glowing with a sense of understanding. 

Next to her stood Tomoyo, Sakura's best friend for the past ten years. If Sakura and Meiling had grown up beautiful, Tomoyo was a masterpiece. She was slightly shorter than the other two, but her figure was much more womanly and the simple white dress she was wearing depicted that perfectly. Her ebony hair flowed well beyond her waist, and she gave the air of an angel.

 The last figure was that of Fujitaka, Touya and Sakura's father. He hardly aged over the years, and still wore that same smile so characteristic of him, and of Eriol in fact, they were after all, halves of the same person.

The three of them stood behind Syaoran and Sakura, and they had waved so enthusiastically, Sakura yelling out promises of when they'll meet again. It broke Yuki's heart, and Yue's too…

Yue shook his head, and the vivid image of that last view of the people so dear to him, to Touya and to Yuki, faded, he again focused his attention to the figure on the bed. 

He was obviously in a lot of pain, Yue could tell from the abrupt fits that caused Touya's body to twist wretchedly, but somehow his face was peaceful. His body may be suffering but spiritually he was at ease. That was some comfort to Yue, to know that at least Touya's suffering did not destory his inner peace.

How was he going to break this to Sakura? Yue asked himself, he had always avoided bringing up the question with himself, much less with Touya. He did not want to accept the fact he was going to die, for real. When it first started it hardly showed, Touya may have been a bit worn out , but it's been like that for a long time, so Yue was able to somehow push it away and ignore it. But then, Touya became more tired more frequently, and soon he was unable to eat or drink and seemed to be sleeping endlessly.

Yue had to come to terms with the truth, and the consequences of it all. The most important being how he was going to break the news to Sakura and so far, he had found no answers.

Suddenly, Touya stirred, gently moaning. To him, waking up was almost cruel, it made him aware of his physical pain. Almost as soon as he became conscious, he would feel bursts of pain throughout his body. They came fast and relentless, each spasm stronger than the one before it, and only subsiding after reaching a climax. If he had the strength to he would have cried out, screamed at the top of his lungs in desperate pain. But his body was too weak, although he felt as if he was screaming, all that came out was a low moan.

Yue knelt at his side, holding one of his hands in both of his own, wishing with all his might that he could do the suffering for him. "I took your powers, I took your strength, I took your LIFE, the least I could do is take your pain too"

At length, the painful jerking of Touya's body stopped and he lay limply on the bed, exhausted and panting for breath.

"To-ya…" Yue began, not sure whether he was able to even hear him "I'm so sorry"

Touya's eyes, which had being closed for the exhaustion and pain, now opened in an instant "Don't you dare…" he whispered "Don't you dare repeat that ever again"

Yue lowered his head on to Touya's chest, feeling his unsteady breath and heartbeat, he couldn't reply, he wanted to apologize over and over, to give his life to him, to say that he would rather have dissolved into nothing rather than having to encounter this.

But Touya wouldn't want to hear any of that and he knew it, he had told him, right after they discovered the terrible truth "I know you feel guilty, and you'd probably give me your life if it were possible, but I don't want that, I want Yuki to live on, I want YOU to go on, Sakura needs you, you're her guardian, and I need to know that you and Yuki will be fine…don't feel guilty Yue, it wasn't your fault, no one would have known…You couldn't have known, I don't want you to live your life with a burden on your shoulders, if you look after Sakura and Yuki you would have more than repaid me…don't feel guilty, I don't want you to live with misery… because I love you too much, I never want you to suffer…ever…"

"I wish I never accepted her" he whispered "I wish I had forced her to destroy me…if it weren't for her I wouldn't know feelings, I've only ever loved Clow, but that was nothing like this, it was nothing so painful…when he said he was going to die I didn't even feel this way… he never allowed me to gain any TRUE feeling…it was Sakura...it was her and all her talk of being friends and then all your talk of love…you broke me To-ya, you broke my shield and invaded my soul…I never knew I had these feelings, and I would've been glad to stay without them…"

He cut off when he felt Touya's hand gently stroking his hair, almost caressing the silver gossamer like threads. Yue lifted his head and helped Touya into a sitting position…well, not really sitting, he was actually leaning on his arm and wing.

"Years ago" Touya began after a while "When Kaho left me, I felt betrayed and abandoned, I felt she had played me for a fool, as if she was never serious with me. She knew from the start there would be no future with us. I couldn't believe that anyone would begin a relationship knowing when it will end, but that is what she did, and I eventually came to accept it, even be thankful, because if it were not for that, I would never have known Yuki"

Yue listened silently, not knowing why Touya was relating all this.

"When Clow left you, so long ago, you didn't really realize what had happened because your memories were altered and re written to suit his purpose, but then you still felt he had abandoned you…we were both abandoned souls, unable to let go…"

Yue was still confused at all this, why was he telling him this now?

"But then you met me, well, Yuki did anyway but you two are the same person now… almost, and I know you were able to love again, as I was, much as you don't want to admit it, you do have love within you, it was an emotion waiting to be awakened, and I was able to do that" He smiled weakly "I consider that quite an achievement whether you do or not…

…So I think perhaps it was almost meant to be that we were abandoned, it was fate, that's all, and I know it has something planned for all of us, even if it may seem something horrible at the time, after a while we begin to appreciate what has come of it…"

"NO!" Yue exclaimed, gripping Touya's hand with his free one "If you're trying to say that I will appreciate this one day you're out of your mind, how can I ever be thankful that you're leaving me? That for the second time in my life, the one whom I love most is…" he stopped abruptly, suddenly realizing what he just uttered.

Touya tried his best to laugh "Victory!" He said "Yue has finally admitted his love for me…it would've been my dying wish otherwise"

Immediately Touya regretted his choice of words, he felt the shoulder he was leaning on drop heavily, and the feathers on the wing harden at those words.

"You always knew To-ya" Yue replied in a low, tired voice "You've always known you were most important person in the world to Yuki…" 

"Yes…to Yuki…" Touya repeated, almost disappointed, "I guess to you I'm just a responsibility, you feel guilty about what's happening, you're trapped here due to your own guilt...well I don't want that" he continued, almost angrily "You must be tired of all this, you can leave Yue…"

"To-ya!" Yue cried painfully "You know that's not true! Being with you is the most important thing in my life right now, I will never be tired of it…"

"I don't want to trap you here" Touya stressed "I want you to be free, only because I love you, I don't' want to think that you're here out of your will, that you are bound by a guilty conscience..."

"That's not true! You know it's not!" Yue choked, how could Touya accuse him of such things?

"What is it then?! Why are you still here if it's only Yuki who cares?" 

"That is not true! I do care!"

"You care about keeping your promise, you care about being true, you…"

"I care because I love you!!" 


	2. Chapter two

"I care because I love you!!" 

Touya was silenced.

Yue looked down, shocked by his own confession. "You always knew To-ya…you always did…I just always…I could not…" He couldn't go on.

Silence prevailed again.

 "I'm still so happy though" Touya whispered after a while, the tension before had taken all he had out of him "I'm so glad you told me before I…" He paused, not wishing to rub salt into the wound "I knew Yuki loved me, I was sure of that much, but I could never quite tell with you, I always assumed it's your sense of duty that made you care…"

Yue looked intently into Touya's eyes. Despite the deterioration of his body, his eyes still had so much strength, so much life. Though no one could ever associate the 1.9m tall soccer team captain with the weak and almost "broken" figure in his arms, the eyes were still the same. The same honor, the same intensity and the same passion that had made him fall hopelessly in love with him.

Touya closed his eyes again, working hard to keep his breathing regular. Yue held him close, as if holding him could somehow let him absorb the moon guardian's energy. He so wanted to kiss him to comfort him, but knew that Touya had so little energy left a mere kiss could end it all for him. He replayed in his mind the numerous times he or Yuki and Touya had shared the most intimate moments, and how sweet they had been. 

And then the realization dawned that it could never be again. Touya would never regain strength. Yue would never be able to touch his lips with his own.

Gazing at the boy in his arms, the realization sent a wave of despair across his chest, so intense it physically hurt. At any moment the irregular breathing could stop, the weak pulse could give in. It could be as soon as that very moment. Touya may just sleep on and never wake up. 

Fear and hopelessness took over, and for perhaps the first time in his life he felt his eyes water, and his vision blurred into a misty haze. Before he realized what was happening two streams of tears were running down his cheeks. 

His tears fell onto Touya's face, and he awoke with a start at the contact of the icy cold drop on his own cheek. He looked up in alarm.

"Yue!" He exclaimed "Are you crying? Are you crying for me?!"

"No" Yue bit his lip "I don't know what I am doing, I don't know what these emotions are! I don't know how to deal with them! I wish I didn't know them!" Angrily he wiped his cheek, but it was in vain as the tears just couldn't stop flowing. "I'm crying for Sakura, for Yuki, for myself…why are you leaving me? How could you desert me like this?! Why can't you TRY to hold on To-ya? Why?! Why must you leave me? Why can't you keep holding on?! You would try if really cared enough…you would!…" he broke off and gave in to the anguished crying that had he had held back for so long, his eyes closed in pain.

Touya was heartbroken, he couldn't believe how much Yue was hurting. Of course he knew he'd be hurt, but somehow he believed, that after all these months, Yue's pain would have subsided, if only a little, as he starts to accept the truth.

But not only was that not happening, the pain is intensifying.

Touya tried to lift his arm to touch Yue's face, but failed, he was just too weak now.

"How am I going to tell Sakura? Tell me To-ya!" He demanded "How am I going to break it to her that she's never going to see her Onii-chan again? That he'll never be there to drive her to school, to tease her when she's late for classes, to call her "kaijuu" at every given opportunity? That he'll never be there to protect her, to love her or give her advice…EVER AGAIN??"

Touya started to speak, but was cut off.

"And your father, how am I going to tell him? I've taken the life of his only son…don't protest To-ya! No matter how you see it it's still the truth, I was the one who took your life! How will I ever face Kinomoto Fujitaka again?! He's half my former master…how can I stand to make him so miserable!"

"Yue…"Touya tried again.

"And Yuki…What's going to happen to him?" Yue questioned, his eyes ablaze "You're his reason for living, his only true memory, and I've even taken that from him! Who's going to break the news to him? Sakura? How could she cope?" He rushed on " I would have to do it! How is he going to take it…" He laughed bitterly "He'll hurt of course, and he's part of me…do you think I'm hurting now? Just wait until it doubles…then I'll really know pain" He shook his head "All those years of wasted feelings, and now feeling them twice fold…I guess it all evens out in the end"

 Touya closed his eyes, images of Sakura and Yukito appeared in his mind. Oh how he missed them! How he longed to see them again, just one last time! Would Sakura have changed since his departure? It's been almost six month since then and at her age change comes overnight. 

His mind then shifted towards all the things he'll miss in her life, all the important moments. The night before he left he had made her the promise to be back to attend her wedding. Her wedding! In his mind he formed a picture of his baby sister in a flowing white gown. It wasn't too hard, since Tomoyo had dressed Sakura up in many a similar outfit in all those years she played fashion designer. Hard to believe the little kaijuu would one day become someone's wife and mother. 

But he'd never live to see it.

A tear ran slowly down his face. The first in a long time, he had been too worn out by the physical spasm to ever feel so emotionally charged, never enough to summon up tears and cry. But Yue's words and the memory of his sister brought them on again, and he found himself silently weeping.

His tears almost seemed to shake Yue out of his "self-pity" mode. Gently he brushed the tears off Touya's face.

"I'll cope somehow" He reassured "It was a weak moment…I promise it won't happen again…" He closed his eyes and again cursed himself, how could he hurt Touya like that? After all that's happened, he should've known better!

He smiled sadly "I'll take care of her, and Li will too. And Yuki will be fine, I'll take care of him as well…I'll cope somehow" He repeated "I promise"

Touya's eyes opened, surprised yet reassured by Yue's sudden change. "Thank you"

He was grateful Yue had begun to accept what was happening.

Because he knew it would end soon.

*                            *                                  *

 In the Kinomoto household, Sakura was sitting at her bedroom window, gazing out at the moon with Syaoran next to her, one arm around her shoulder. Behind them, Tomoyo and Meiling sat leaning against the bed, Tomoyo showing Meiling and Kero some of her latest costume designs. It was a most peaceful moment.

Suddenly, Sakura jerked upright, and shook herself free of Syaoran's embrace. Her eyes opened wide with a look of shock and alarm and she started to tremble all over.

Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero all jumped up in surprise. Syaoran grabbed her hand and asked "What is it Sakura?!" 

"I…I…" Sakura looked around at the people in her room, she could not describe it, but she felt something was terribly wrong. There was a strange sensation in her chest and she felt like a part of her was getting pulled away. A sense of panic took over and she shook Syaoran desperately "Can't you sense it?? Can't you feel it? Can't anyone?!"

The others stared at her in alarm, Meiling and Tomoyo didn't know what Sakura was blabbering on about, not even Kero could make out any strange senses. "Sakura what is this? Is it familiar somehow?" Kero tried asking.

But Sakura did not respond, the panic had taken over her. Her frustration at the other's inability to feel what she did grew exponentially and, pushing away Syaoran, she collapsed on to the ground in a nervous fit.

Syaoran rushed to her side and tried to hold her still, repeating his question over and over "What is it Sakura? What's wrong? What do you feel? Tell me!"

She was starting to black out, Syaoran could tell from the way her eyes wandered aimlessly around the room. Tomoyo knelt at her side and looked over her with worry and fright in her eyes, feeling helpless, she could yell "Sakura! Concentrate Sakura and answer us!"

Sakura felt as if she was swimming through muddy water, she could hear everyone, but it sounded as if they were far away, and she couldn't see anything, just swirls of colors in front of her eyes. But all of a sudden, her senses became clearer and she tried in vain to put what she felt into words, yet she had no idea what it was she was screaming out.

Syaoran, Meiling, Tomoyo and Kero, however, all heard clear as a bell. But no one except Syaoran picked up the relevance of it all.

"Onii-chan!! Onii-chan!! Onii-chan!! Onii-chan!! Onii-chan!!"

*                *                      *

"Kiss me Yue"

Darkness had long since fallen, and the room was lit by the dim light of a single red candle. The moon guardian was starting to feel the effects of fatigue. That was another downturn in the semi-merge with Yukito, he never felt tired before, but now he was actually getting sleepy.

But Touya's softly uttered words broke that tired spell, and he looked down at the boy, distressed, Unable to reply to the request.

"Please Yue…"Touya continued "It won't make a difference now anyhow…"

Yue closed his eyes. He knew the end was coming. Strange, he no longer felt panicked or scared, no longer wishing to throw a tantrum beseeching Touya to stay. He only felt his heart ache as if it were to shatter.

"Yue…" Touya whispered again.

"Do you really want me to To-ya?" Yue asked. 

"I couldn't ask anything more" Touya's reply came so soft it was nearly unheard. Then he closed his eyes and smiled weakly…waiting…

"To-ya…"Yue felt the tears start again, only this time they weren't of anguish or frustration. This time they held the genuine pain of farewell. The realization of the inevitable.

"To-ya…you know I'll always love you" 

Closing his eyes, he bent down slowly and closed his lips over Touya's waiting ones. 

Finally, he once again tasted the sweetness of the familiar kiss, the warmth and the passion it still held. He wanted so badly to savor it. He gave himself completely into the kiss, feeling almost as if he had left his body and would float away, his wings formed a circle around the bed, and held up Touya gently.

It's been so long since Touya had felt so relaxed and calm in his waking moments. So blissful, so full of joy. He gave one last sigh. Then slowly, painlessly, finally…he fell away.


	3. Chapter three

Sakura's fit suddenly ceased, and all at once she fell into calm. She lay limply in Syaoran's arms.

Her friends looked over her nervously, Tomoyo was nearly in tears.

At length, her eyes opened and she whispered "He's gone…Onii-chan…he's gone!" Tears spilled over as realization came to her finally of what it was she had been feeling.

"Sakura?" Tomoyo asked tentatively "What are you talking about?"

But her best friend only shook her head sadly and repeated "He's gone…he's gone…I'll never see him again…he's gone…"

Syaoran held her close, signaling to others to stop questioning her.

"Perhaps you're mistaken Sakura" Kero vainly tried to suggest "What do you mean he's gone?"

"He's left…he's not coming back…" Sakura said, as if in a dream.

"Touya?" Meiling asked cautiously.

"Touya…"Sakura repeated his name "Onii-chan…he's gone…"

Meiling Tomoyo and Kero surrounded her in silence, not knowing what was really going on as none of them were told of the truth. They half knew what it was she was saying but none of them could really believe it nor know of how it came to be.

"It's true" Syaoran spoke up "He's gone…he knew a long time ago that this was going to happen,  and he felt that you shouldn't have to suffer for it…that's why he chose to leave…"  
            Sakura looked up in shock "You knew?!" She exclaimed "You knew and you never told me? WHY?!!" 

"How would you have taken it?" Syaoran asked gently. "What would you have done?"

"I don't know…I would have tried to help them…there must've been a way!"

"You really believe that if there had been a better way they wouldn't have taken that path instead?"

"What?!" Sakura could not comprehend.

"They-Touya and Yue-they spoke to Eriol…" Syaoran began.

"I know! I was there!" Sakura interrupted "He said I could help them…"

"When you were strong enough Sakura!" Syaoran said "What he didn't add was that it would take you too long to _be strong enough, far too long to save him…"_

"NO!" Sakura cried "I would've found a way! I know I could've!!!"

"Why do you think they kept it from you?" Syaoran asked sadly "They knew you would've felt this way, and they knew you would do something…drastic…and end up hurting yourself! Just as Kero and Yue kept from you the fact that Yue was fading, Eriol, Touya and Yue decided to keep this from you…"

"Keep from me the fact my own brother is dying??!!" Sakura practically screamed "How _could they do such a thing?!?"_

"Touya's main concern was to protect you…and if you had defied him…"

"Still…" Her voice had become strained as she started to understand that all was in vain. It was true, she would've gone to extreme measures to seek a solution, but somehow she also knew she'd be helpless in all of it, there was really nothing she could do "How could he leave me…_how…?" She pulled Syaoran close to her and put her head onto his chest, silently sobbing._

                              *                                  *                                  *

He was giving away…

Yue could feel it, even though he kept his eyes closed and concentrated on the kiss, he could feel it clearly. Touya was falling away.

Slowly he pulled away from the boy in his arms.

Touya's face was a ghastly white, but the smile on his face was still there, so calm and blissful. His eyes were closed and his chest was still. There was no pulse, no breath, no sign of life.

He was gone.

Yue sat unmoved, Touya still in his arms. All of a sudden he felt so completely alone. He could not believe that Touya had really left, it just has not sunk in.

He gazed at the too-peaceful face, trying to convince himself Touya was really only sleeping, just like every other time he closed his eyes. But the unnatural stillness of his body contradicted him, and it finally hit him that Touya wasn't going to wake up.

Not ever again.

Yue closed his eyes, and drew Touya close to his chest. 

"I love you…" He said silently "I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Sakura slowly pulled away from Syaoran, drying her tears. Standing up, she looked out the window.

"I love you…" She sent the thought into the evening breeze "I love you…"

She turned to her friends.

"I have to be strong" She said with astonishing control in her voice "I have to be strong for my father, and for  Yue and Yukito when he comes back…Onii-chan…he wouldn't want to see me weak…I have to be strong or I don't deserve to be his sister"

Syaoran held one of her hands with both his own "I'll be here for you, you will always have me when you need me"

"And me too" Tomoyo stepped forward, her own eyes shining with tears "You can always turn to me for support Sakura"

"Don't' forget us!" Meiling put her hands on Sakura's shoulders, and Kero floated in next to her. "You'll never lose any of us Sakura!"

"Thank you" Sakura whispered gratefully. She closed her eyes, and then, for the briefest moment, she heard his voice…

"I haven't left you Sakura" Touya had said "I'm here, just like our mother is, we'll always watch over you"

"I hope you will…Always…"

*                            *                                  *

Many weeks later…

Yue slowly knelt down in front of the newly placed headstone. Ignoring the light rain falling around him.

Here Lies Kinomoto Touya

Twenty-six years of age at time of decease.

Son of Kinomoto Fujitaka and Kinomoto Nadeshiko

Older brother of Kinomoto Sakura

May he live on forever within the heart of his loved ones

Rest In Peace.

Absentmindedly Yue brushed the raindrops out of his eyes…or were they tears? He couldn't tell. All he knew and believed was that Touya wasn't dead. Not really. Although he couldn't be seen, he could still be felt, and sometimes, to Sakura and Yue, he could be heard.

Yue gazed at the small bunch of flowers he had earlier placed one the grave. They were peach blossoms, of course, it was only appropriate that they should be.

There was so much he had wanted to say to Touya, ever so much. But now he had no idea where he should start. It's been so long since he had even said the name out loud, and he knew it would be hard to keep his composure.

"I miss you To-ya…" He finally began "I really really…miss you…" It was stating the obvious, but Yue could find no other way to begin.

"I can feel you sometimes, but not nearly enough…what I wouldn't give just to be able to feel you again, to speak to you and hear you reply, I can't even remember what your voice sounded like! When I hear you speak to me, the voice is not yours, it's mine, even if it's saying your words…"

He could feel himself lose control already, his voice shook and his heart was aching, he quickly changed the subject.

 "Sakura is getting married today...yes…finally she's grown up…she turned twenty yesterday…but you know that of course" he hastily added " She's been so brave and strong…it even makes me feel ashamed of my own weakness, but yesterday I guess it got too much for even her to stand and she cried…not in front of everyone of course, just Yuki, she wouldn't even let Li see her cry. It was in the midmorning, everyone was busy with preparations for her party, but she was miserable the entire morning and Yuki knew, despite her efforts to hide it. So when everyone was preoccupied and Sakura had shut herself into your room…yes Touya, yours…and started crying her heart out, Yuki went in to comfort her…and you should be proud of him, he didn't even cry! I guess in some respects he's stronger than I…"

Yue's mind flashed back to the day before, when Yukito had held a shaking Sakura in him arms, and with the same gentleness that sent her into complete hanyan mode when she was a child, he spoke to her and comforted her.

Yuki…Yue thought…How will I ever live up to you?

"She's okay now" He continued "And insisted that the wedding to go on as planned…she should be getting ready just now…I hope you see her wedding…"

"…and your father…he amazed me even more…he is part of Clow Reed after all…of course there's still the pain of losing another family member, now he has only Sakura…but soon you can bet there'd be many more members of the family…although I guess it wouldn't be the Kinomoto family…" Yue shook his head, he didn't want the sense of guilt to take over again, not after he spent so long and so much effort to come out of that mode.

"I'm trying to hold out…I'm doing my best to stay strong, although sometimes I still think about how much easier this would all be if I had never known any feelings, if I had never been so influenced by Sakura and her emotions, but then I realize I can't live in the past forever…it took me a long time to recover from my last loss, and I can't say that the experience has made me anymore prepared for this…"

"I'll never forget the things you said to me in those last days you were still with me, and I've taken it all to heart. If you believe that this is destiny then so be it. I'll learn to cope…but I now think I understand…you're a part of me now To-ya, and a part of Yuki too…we're closer now than we ever were before…"

"I know I must live on…I've contemplated asking Sakura to destroy me…she has the power now…but I'm ashamed of ever thinking of it, because it would mean you were sacrificed for nothing. I won't do that, I won't take all that love for granted…you said the only thing you wanted in exchange of your strength was to protect her…and I will do that, no matter what it takes I'll achieve it. I've vowed to you and I'll never break a vow…not merely as a way of honor, but because I love you…"

"When I first came to accept the fact that you were dying…I thought my heart would die with you, just like I felt it die the last time I was abandoned…but my heart is still alive To-ya, because I know you're still alive…you're a part of me, you've made me stronger…the only way I can repay you is to be the best guardian I can be to Sakura"

Yue stood up slowly, his tears flowed but they contained no bitterness, just sincere sorrow.

"I still miss you though…and I wish you could be here with me…and with Sakura on her wedding day…somehow I know you'll be there, but I wish we could all see you…"

"It's almost time now…Sakura needs me now…Yuki had promised to be with her just before she's sent down the aisle…and I can't make him break a promise. It doesn't make a difference where I am though, I know you're with me wherever I am, whether or not I can feel it…"

He spread his wings and got ready to take flight.

"I love you To-ya…I love you more than words can ever express…you understand my heart…you _are my heart and soul…"_

He slowly lifted away from the ground, rising higher and higher above it.

"Goodbye To-ya…no, I take that back…you're not leaving me, why should I bid you farewell? You'll be with me forever…I'll never say Goodbye"

He cast one final gaze backwards, before continuing on his way to Sakura.

"Never say Goodbye…"  

**~OWARI~**


End file.
